This immediately made me think of my father, whose mother died when he was still a baby. I wonder if there was an opportunity for them to bond even physically, and then of course, I thought about myself...
There is so much contradiction in why human beings act in the way that we do, and you correctly and aptly write this. I also wonder the layers of contradiction that comes from being a Muslim writer today... so many contradictions that I feel like I fail miserably at. To promote ones' writing and then how? To reveal and how much? As a memoirist, I often feel so stuck and that then leads to not writing.
We are creatures of contradiction. I resonate with that but writing doesn’t have to be performative, it can be reflective, it can hold us accountable, it can be how we process.
Wonderful insights here. Alf shukr! I don't know of any other thinkers who scrutinze so many "hidden" facets of human experience. Please keep on writing!
I really enjoy your articles. You are clever and a very good writer. I feel guilty not upgrading but finances don’t allow this. I hope you will continue and perhaps try publishing op ed’s or journal articles which may reward you financially.
I just found about your articles, they've been helping me so much! I love how you talk about childhood and parent-child relationship (personally my favorite subject that you write about). I work with infants/babies and I'm always really interested in the childhood themes, do you have any books/series/recommendations that could be related to children needs (alligned with the perspective that you always bring in your texts)? Thank you so much for your content!
I’m so happy to hear that Lara and I’m glad my writing resonates 🙏🏻 Childhood happens to be the most research topic in psychology and these are some of my faves:
The Child the Family and the Outside World, Winnicott
The Language and Thought of the Child, Piaget
The Drama of the Gifted Child, Miller
Childhood and Society, Erikson
I have many many more so feel free to reach out privately if you want them too 🫶🏻
RAHHHHH SO BEAUTIFULLY ARTICULATED!!!! masyallah, I love your takes and your inclusion of references and specific choices. A beautiful new angle to consider--the infancy psychological development portion--in reevaluating being 'seen'. And, how some rejections in our experience opening up and being vulnerable, is healthy
I have very rarely experienced this, but I distinctly remember feeling vulnerable and expressing myself to a nice woman and her kind response was empathetic and true love I have never known before. It made me think that is how healthy people share feelings out of vulnerability and you have to experience it yourself. There is no verbal description outside of poetics but it does exist, truely.
It makes for inspired poetry and song lyrics, but Marketing likes to tag along and distort. It is good that it evades English precision. The French and other Latin root languages use the Subjunctive verb tense and nuances which I adore. The poets like Adrienne Rich just use unrelated words and an alchemical magic to make them say what they were never intended to say. Her poem “Diving Into the Wreck” is not about skin diving or exploring a shipwreck, I believe. It is a poetic vehicle to talk about divorce and loss. Very powerful indeed. She never says any words to confirm this but the reader feels it when the “merman” is mentioned and it strikes deep.
Someone who has had like crippling, GUTTER levels of self esteem... I don't think there's really a way out of this unless you really learn to "mother" yourself (using the terms used). Cause without that you don't learn that being seen and or rejected is survivable. Because if it's not survivable, the hiding makes 100% sense. But if it is, 100% courageousness makes sense and it's worth the risk. But you'll never get to that point until you "mother" yourself, taking care of your needs and accessing the things of the body, mind (intellect+emotions), and spirit that allow you to grow and get stronger. Because there are things that can and will outclass you, and going up against stuff like that with no possible win scenario is hopelessness and a call to just never try again. But if you can "grow", then it's okay. And if you can "heal", it's okay to fail
The biggest thing with a mother wound is that there's "no bottom". So failures are not seen as failures but literally a door to death or to unknowingly but increasingly further down dips into hell. Which to anyone who doesn't have this or has is blocked off... Is HORRIFYING. So you gotta get a baseline, a bottom, a cap in the bucket, so efforts can actually move you up rather then be meaningless and fall out of the bucket
I recently started reading your articles back to back, exploring your publication, taking notes, and even printing a few just to really sit with them because I’m discovering so much of my personality through your words. So much is taking me back to my childhood environment/development.
I’m currently on a path of self-discovery and healing(after being in depression for years) trying to re-parent myself so I can parent my toddler with more awareness and hopefully not pass down the generational pain I grew up with.
so, how do I begin to remove the facade of my false self(now, well into my adulthood) so I can connect with others more authentically?
Assalaam alaikum, sister Zahra. You are truly an intelligent woman, a bookworm in the best sense, MaashaaAllah. I write from the heart and strive to be open about who I am, despite my mother’s intense struggles. Growing up as a 5-year-old boy from a broken home in the toughest parts of British Guiana, South America, she did her best for me even as a Mushrik who embraced Islam and married my father.
Throughout my life, I have developed a deep appreciation for the simple beauty of deserts, mountains, and the rich narratives of prophets and biblical tales. I also cherish moments of solitude for meditation and reflection. If it weren’t for the teachings of Islam and my own battles to lead an authentic and pure Islamic life, I might have chosen to hide away more. However, Alhamdulillah, my fear of Allah fuels my trust in Him, allowing me to show my true self. I feel freer than I ever imagined, constantly aware that the angel of death could arrive at any moment.
I admire your writing deeply, and I am so proud of you, MaashaaAllah. I pray that Allah helps us gain the fruits of our labor in this world as we prepare to return to Him. Sometimes, I wish I could have lived among the righteous and pious individuals of the past, particularly during the first three generations of the Prophet Muhammad and His companions. Our world has changed so much, and it pains my heart.
Thank you once again for your dedication to education and for making a positive difference in our lives. May Allah grant your soul the highest place in Jannah al-Firdous. This comes straight from my heart, and while I used Grammarly for error corrections, I know I still have room for improvement and much, much more to show my true self as I grow.
This immediately made me think of my father, whose mother died when he was still a baby. I wonder if there was an opportunity for them to bond even physically, and then of course, I thought about myself...
There is so much contradiction in why human beings act in the way that we do, and you correctly and aptly write this. I also wonder the layers of contradiction that comes from being a Muslim writer today... so many contradictions that I feel like I fail miserably at. To promote ones' writing and then how? To reveal and how much? As a memoirist, I often feel so stuck and that then leads to not writing.
We are creatures of contradiction. I resonate with that but writing doesn’t have to be performative, it can be reflective, it can hold us accountable, it can be how we process.
Wonderful insights here. Alf shukr! I don't know of any other thinkers who scrutinze so many "hidden" facets of human experience. Please keep on writing!
Thank you so much! 🙏🏻
I really enjoy your articles. You are clever and a very good writer. I feel guilty not upgrading but finances don’t allow this. I hope you will continue and perhaps try publishing op ed’s or journal articles which may reward you financially.
Thank you so much! That truly means a lot 🙏🏻
I just found about your articles, they've been helping me so much! I love how you talk about childhood and parent-child relationship (personally my favorite subject that you write about). I work with infants/babies and I'm always really interested in the childhood themes, do you have any books/series/recommendations that could be related to children needs (alligned with the perspective that you always bring in your texts)? Thank you so much for your content!
I’m so happy to hear that Lara and I’m glad my writing resonates 🙏🏻 Childhood happens to be the most research topic in psychology and these are some of my faves:
The Child the Family and the Outside World, Winnicott
The Language and Thought of the Child, Piaget
The Drama of the Gifted Child, Miller
Childhood and Society, Erikson
I have many many more so feel free to reach out privately if you want them too 🫶🏻
RAHHHHH SO BEAUTIFULLY ARTICULATED!!!! masyallah, I love your takes and your inclusion of references and specific choices. A beautiful new angle to consider--the infancy psychological development portion--in reevaluating being 'seen'. And, how some rejections in our experience opening up and being vulnerable, is healthy
Thank you! I’m so glad to hear that 🙏🏻
✨️❤️
I have very rarely experienced this, but I distinctly remember feeling vulnerable and expressing myself to a nice woman and her kind response was empathetic and true love I have never known before. It made me think that is how healthy people share feelings out of vulnerability and you have to experience it yourself. There is no verbal description outside of poetics but it does exist, truely.
It is, without a doubt, one of the hardest things to put into words. Thanks for sharing Jeff!
It makes for inspired poetry and song lyrics, but Marketing likes to tag along and distort. It is good that it evades English precision. The French and other Latin root languages use the Subjunctive verb tense and nuances which I adore. The poets like Adrienne Rich just use unrelated words and an alchemical magic to make them say what they were never intended to say. Her poem “Diving Into the Wreck” is not about skin diving or exploring a shipwreck, I believe. It is a poetic vehicle to talk about divorce and loss. Very powerful indeed. She never says any words to confirm this but the reader feels it when the “merman” is mentioned and it strikes deep.
This is just brilliant. I love your articles ❤️
Thank you! I'm so glad to hear that🫶🏻
Someone who has had like crippling, GUTTER levels of self esteem... I don't think there's really a way out of this unless you really learn to "mother" yourself (using the terms used). Cause without that you don't learn that being seen and or rejected is survivable. Because if it's not survivable, the hiding makes 100% sense. But if it is, 100% courageousness makes sense and it's worth the risk. But you'll never get to that point until you "mother" yourself, taking care of your needs and accessing the things of the body, mind (intellect+emotions), and spirit that allow you to grow and get stronger. Because there are things that can and will outclass you, and going up against stuff like that with no possible win scenario is hopelessness and a call to just never try again. But if you can "grow", then it's okay. And if you can "heal", it's okay to fail
The biggest thing with a mother wound is that there's "no bottom". So failures are not seen as failures but literally a door to death or to unknowingly but increasingly further down dips into hell. Which to anyone who doesn't have this or has is blocked off... Is HORRIFYING. So you gotta get a baseline, a bottom, a cap in the bucket, so efforts can actually move you up rather then be meaningless and fall out of the bucket
I recently started reading your articles back to back, exploring your publication, taking notes, and even printing a few just to really sit with them because I’m discovering so much of my personality through your words. So much is taking me back to my childhood environment/development.
I’m currently on a path of self-discovery and healing(after being in depression for years) trying to re-parent myself so I can parent my toddler with more awareness and hopefully not pass down the generational pain I grew up with.
so, how do I begin to remove the facade of my false self(now, well into my adulthood) so I can connect with others more authentically?
p.s: I might ask few questions here and there...
Assalaam alaikum, sister Zahra. You are truly an intelligent woman, a bookworm in the best sense, MaashaaAllah. I write from the heart and strive to be open about who I am, despite my mother’s intense struggles. Growing up as a 5-year-old boy from a broken home in the toughest parts of British Guiana, South America, she did her best for me even as a Mushrik who embraced Islam and married my father.
Throughout my life, I have developed a deep appreciation for the simple beauty of deserts, mountains, and the rich narratives of prophets and biblical tales. I also cherish moments of solitude for meditation and reflection. If it weren’t for the teachings of Islam and my own battles to lead an authentic and pure Islamic life, I might have chosen to hide away more. However, Alhamdulillah, my fear of Allah fuels my trust in Him, allowing me to show my true self. I feel freer than I ever imagined, constantly aware that the angel of death could arrive at any moment.
I admire your writing deeply, and I am so proud of you, MaashaaAllah. I pray that Allah helps us gain the fruits of our labor in this world as we prepare to return to Him. Sometimes, I wish I could have lived among the righteous and pious individuals of the past, particularly during the first three generations of the Prophet Muhammad and His companions. Our world has changed so much, and it pains my heart.
Thank you once again for your dedication to education and for making a positive difference in our lives. May Allah grant your soul the highest place in Jannah al-Firdous. This comes straight from my heart, and while I used Grammarly for error corrections, I know I still have room for improvement and much, much more to show my true self as I grow.
May I ask where you are from, respected sister?